Celastrus - Chapter 3: Consumed and Completed

By J. Rolande, aka Moonlight Sonata 2004

The cotton of her shirt slid over her torso and arms in a smooth motion. Adam let it fall to the floor, where it lay in a quickly forgotten heap. Samus could feel his hands warm upon her skin, the resulting feelings leaving her at a loss for words. She was painfully aware of her naivete; these feelings were so alien to her, she had no idea what she should be doing with her hands, her mouth, or, for that matter, the rest of her body. Adam's deft yet gentle fingers had unhooked her bra, and now she stood before him naked from the waist up. She felt a flush creeping into her cheeks, and nervously bit her lip, unsure of what to do next. Adam, with whom she'd been so comfortable only moments before, now intimidated her.

Adam gently clasped his hands at her back again; her skin was warm and soft beneath his touch. He could feel her tension, though she no longer seemed like a coiled spring, ready to release at any moment. "Are you afraid?" he asked gently, moving his hand to tilt her chin upward, so he could meet her gaze. In the depths of her eyes he saw uncertainty and fear, but there was also unbound excitement and anticipation. This was no emotionless Ice Queen standing before him, but a warm, emotional young woman. The change in her was astounding; it took his breath away.

Was she afraid? Samus wondered this, mesmerized by his intense gaze boring into her. She supposed, when it came down to it, that yes, she was afraid. In her mind there had always been very little difference between herself and any other male soldier; sometimes she felt she had more in common with the males than the females. The only true difference she saw between herself and the men was in the anatomy, and that was an inconsequential difference at best. Then again, having grown up among the ascetic and emotionally distant Chozo, Samus had never given thought to those parts of her that made her distinctly female; and certainly never before now had any situation or any person made her so acutely aware of her femininity. His hands upon her bare flesh, his eyes, so understanding and concerned staring into hers, his lips now pressed upon her mouth: all woke in her a new dimension in which to exist, a dimension in which she was not merely a soldier in the Federation military, but a woman in every sense of the word.

Adam pried his lips away from hers for a moment, leaving her gasping for breath. He repeated, "Are you afraid? Do you want me to stop?"

"No," she said decisively. As if to prove her willingness, she began to undo the buttons of his shirt. Her movements were a bit awkward, but she was determined. She inhaled sharply as she peeled the shirt away from him, moving quickly so she did not have time to lose her nerve. Haltingly she slid her hands up his torso, removing his white undershirt in the process, and marveling at the way his body reacted to her touch. She slipped the shirt over his head; now it was her turn to stare, entranced by the masculine form before her. He was certainly nearing forty years of age, but his abdominal and pectoral muscles retained their definition. Samus had seen this sort of thing before while training in the gym, but never had a well- muscled body had the power to make her feel the sensual feelings she felt now.

Tentatively she placed her hands upon him, curiously aware of the way Adam inhaled sharply at the touch.

Samus had never imagined that she would have power over a man, much less one so much older and more experienced. In him she saw completeness and fulfillment, and her incredible need for those qualities quelled her doubts and uncertainties. She focused on him, allowing her hands to roam over his chest and shoulders, exploring his physique and observing it with her hands rather than her eyes. She finally clasped her hands behind his neck, pulling herself closer to his body. She wanted the energy again. This time she wanted it raw and undiluted, without the barrier of clothing. She held herself to him, conscious of the seamlessness of their bodies, pleasantly disconcerted by the waking feelings within her hips and pelvis. She craned her neck and met his lips, relishing his taste upon her mouth. The eagerness was uncontainable, and even before she consciously realized what she was doing she had parted her lips to allow his tongue entry to her mouth.

In any other woman Adam would have found such eagerness off-putting, and would have ended the encounter right then with some sort of excuse. Yet the naive aggression with which she acted was endearing in a way. Her hands explored his body, and her lips kissed his as though they had never contacted a male physique before. The way her body trembled from his mere touch excited him, yet he held back and let her explore, enamored by her innocence.

She was so real at this very moment in time. Before now she had been this image, an idea in which he had glimpsed starved potential. He figured she was starving her potential to be a good soldier, but now realized that she was starved of her potential to be a complete human being. The idea that she had gone so empty for so long made this time with her all the more necessary. He held her tight, hands kneading at the warm, soft skin of her back, all the while keenly aware of the feeling of her breasts and torso pressed urgently to him.

The feelings were intensifying. Samus found it difficult now to control her body and maintain an awareness of her situation. The office had disappeared. The anger and bitterness and list of people to beat upon were squashed by the dense emotions filling up her void. She was losing herself with him - his hands on her, his body against her, his lips upon her - now she needed to lose herself within him. The taste of his mouth was addictive; the more she had the more she wanted. Kissing him was the same situation: the more of him he gave her, the more her body and soul required in order to maintain this incredible euphoria. The Chozo, living in asceticism, were so ignorant; they did not know what kind of lack they caused with their denial of pleasures. In a forgotten, still-conscious corner of her intellect Samus could not believe it had taken her so long to realize her incompleteness and find this amazing antidote to it named Adam.

At last there was no more holding back. Mouths still locked onto one another, the two struggled out of shoes, socks, trousers, fingers fumbling awkwardly with buttons and zippers, hands feverishly removing trousers and underpants in one motion. Fully naked and fully desperate, Samus could feel him, all of him, against all of her. His hands explored her newly exposed flesh; her heart beat furiously against her chest. In fact, it felt like all of her was threatening to burst through her skin. There was only so much her physical body would be able to contain. She was reaching her limits, and very soon she would explode.

Adam could feel her; not just her body, but her energy, her very life force throbbing against him. It excited him. He slid his hands down her body, resting them on her hips. This was the moment. After this there was no going back, no returning to a time where they had existed as separate entities. Would they regret it? Would they be embarrassed? Or would it be a forgotten tryst that had served only to satisfy desire? As he sunk to the floor, taking Samus with him, he knew for himself at least the answer to all of those questions was no.

He pulled away from her mouth and gazed down at her, taking in the deep pink flush in her cheeks and the giddy fire in her deep green eyes. With one hand he smoothed her hair back from her face, just taking this frozen moment to observe her as she was now, before there was no turning around. After this moment the bridges would be burned. Neither of them would be the same.

"Are you ready?" He asked softly, stroking her hair.

"Yes," she said breathlessly, staring up into his eyes, which were still so calm and collected in spite of the raging storm that seemed to engulf the both of them. She was almost complete. She could feel herself filling, almost to the brim, and yet not quite there yet, no matter how much Adam caressed her or kissed her or held her body against his. As close as they became, they were still two bodies. She was uncertain about this; she was even a bit scared. But she was ready for him to complete her.

Adam placed one hand on the floor, and the other on her hip, positioning himself against her, feeling her tensing. Her eyelids drooped shut over those stormy green eyes, and her breathing had gone from quick and shallow to deep, shuddering breaths. She was calming herself, preparing herself for him, an act that made him momentarily reconsider what he was doing. As he began to enter her, he realized why she was preparing herself.

He wasn't sure why he was surprised by this. After all, Samus detested the other men in her brigade, and was thus more likely to use her incredibly powerful body for things other than sex. And unlike most of the other women serving alongside her, she did not go around broadcasting the weekend's exploits. Now he understood why: there had never been any exploits. He was the first one to see her like this, to be with her on this level. It was a frightening revelation.

"Samus," he said, still in his awkward position, "I..."

"Don't stop," she demanded in a small, trembling voice. If this was to be her first time, she wanted it to be with Adam, this man who made her feel so very close to whole. He was giving her what she'd lacked her entire life, and now he wanted to stop, simply because of her virginity? She could feel him against that carnal area she'd so long ignored, and the feelings it aroused down there made his concern more of a cruelty. Though he meant well with his hesitation, she could not wait any longer. She slipped her hands down over his torso, feeling the power contained within his muscles, and realizing it was power reserved for the act of lovemaking he was about to perform. Touched by this realization, she moved her hands tentatively to his hips, and then to his buttocks and pulled him closer to her, signaling she wanted him to enter her and make her a whole person.

He did. Samus could not lie to herself: this did hurt. Naively she'd assumed that because for most humans acts of sex were so natural her body would know how to respond. She'd heard the other women talk of how a man could make them react; they all seemed to enjoy it well enough, and there had never been any mention of pain. Now she was keenly aware of him inside of her, and she wondered briefly if she was now in over her head, if Adam was too much for her, if she should have listened to the voice in her head telling her to leave when she still had the chance....

Adam pulled withdrew a bit, and moved back inside of her. The eruption of sensation within her pushed all doubt away. She felt her hips rise to meet his thrusts, which were now building to a rhythm. While she wanted to lose herself completely, she still had to concentrate on him and his movements, trying to choreograph her own motions so they were in sync with his. There was still pain, but it was fading a little bit.

After a few halting moments, Adam laid one hand upon her hip and gently guided her along. As Samus felt herself synchronize with his thrusting, she felt her pain disappearing entirely, replaced with euphoric bliss. She was one with him now, their bodies moving in one fluid motion and their souls touching and entwining. She didn't know which was better: the physical manifestation of desire, or feeling her own soul so tangibly. She felt that she'd been distanced from it for so long.

She ran her hands up his back, senses enhanced from the rush of pure adrenalin coursing through her. She felt his muscles working in perfect unity; she inhaled his scent. He smelled clean, as though he'd had a shower before her arrival. Her hands roamed up and pulled his head close to hers, whereupon she allowed herself to meet his lips, and savor his distinct taste. The rest of the world disappeared completely as she lost herself with him and in him.

* * * * * * * * *

She did not know how long their lovemaking lasted, and even when he at last withdrew from her, she still lacked a sense of time and space as she drowned in the euphoria that still swirled within her. Completion. Wholeness. Oneness. One could call it whatever he or she liked; no matter the word, Samus had the feeling of it. She did not feel quite so empty. She felt the way she imagined most ‘normal’ people felt. She felt liberated from the dark emptiness that had plagued her so long.

She stared at Adam, still holding her to him, but it was a gentle, comforting hold rather than the frenzied grasp of earlier. He was warm, so very warm and solidly reassuring against her. There was still energy pulsing between them, binding their minds and souls. His hands stroked her hair delicately while his eyes stared into hers with a sense of caring wonder. Samus still felt a bit breathless recalling what they'd just shared; part of her wanted it again, while the rest of her wanted this - the softness of his touch, the understanding in his eyes.

She sighed. Slowly reality was creeping back in, infringing on them. Soon they would have to part. He would go back to being the Colonel, and she would go back to being the distant Ice Queen. For reasons of propriety, their moments of being Adam and Samus, just a man and a woman sharing one another, would either be few and far between, or completely nonexistent.

"Is something wrong?" he asked her softly, searching her gaze. Her eyes, so determined and passionate not long ago, were now mournful. She looked like she was about to begin crying again.

"No... nothing's wrong," she replied in a soft voice, reaching up a hand to caress his cheek.

"Will you be alright?" he asked.

Samus smiled. "Yes... I'll be fine. I'll be better than I've been in a long while," she told him sincerely. She withdrew her hand and propped herself up. Adam sat back, still staring at her. Suddenly feeling a bit awkward, she fumbled around on the floor to find her clothing. Wordlessly Adam helped her, watching as she began slipping back into the pieces of her uniform.

He sighed as well, and this time he followed her lead. As he dressed himself again, he realized how everything they had shared and enjoyed was already beginning to disappear as they replaced the costumes they wore in the play that was reality. The reality they existed in would not appreciate, let alone approve of the uniting of body, mind, and soul they had experienced. The reality they existed in would be quick to condemn their actions, no matter how good either of their intentions for one another were. Adam Malkovitch, always the paragon of a military man, found himself unhappy with his reality for the first time ever. He closed his eyes for a moment and recalled her body, beautiful and strong, but innocent... he thought of her sweet scent and the taste of her on his lips and in his mouth.

"Colonel?" she asked softly, making him open his eyes to see a fully, neatly dressed Private Aran standing in front of him.

"Yes, Aran?" He asked, defeated by reality.

"I think I should go now." She looked up at him, an innocent, girlish look in her eyes. "Thank you," she added softly, turning toward the door.

Adam placed his hand on her shoulder, halting her, but only briefly this time, just long enough to place a kiss atop her head and inhale her intoxicating scent one last time. He heard how her breath hissed out between her clenched teeth and knew she too was fighting the urge to abandon herself to unreality again.

She turned to face him. She'd carefully replaced her contented facial expression with her icy mask. After all, she did have a reputation to maintain. She could not let anyone else know the Ice Queen had, for one night at least, melted. And besides, she preferred to save the idea of the woman beneath the ice for Adam, and Adam only. No one else could have the capacity to touch her the way he had, and the way the memory of him in and all around her always would. For one brief moment she bit on her lower lip in uncertainty, knowing that when she left this room she'd never be able to acknowledge what had happened. Unless, of course, it happened again. The idea made her smirk a bit ruefully. She quickly wiped her face blank of emotion and gave him a terse nod of her head in farewell.

She took hold of the doorknob with a grasp more firm than her convictions about leaving, slowly creaked the door open, and eventually left, all the while very conscious of his gaze on her back. She stalked down the maze of corridors to her quarters, barely aware of how everyone got out of her way and shied from her cold, blank expression. That, she was used to. But for one eternal moment, Adam had made her realize that even Ice Queens had needs, and those needs could be filled by the right person.

She could still taste him, still recall the tingling sensation of his hands upon her body and how he had made her a complete person for that moment in time. But nagging at the edges of her soul was icy cold darkness, a melancholy reminder that her emptiness had only been staved off for a moment; unless she could remain with Adam forever, that emptiness would always follow her and return to haunt her. It was not a comforting thought, but now there was very little she could do about it except try desperately to remember what it felt like for those timeless moments she had been complete.